How I do It all: House, Meals, Work, Kids, and Me Time

“You have 8 kids?  How do you do it all?”

I’ve been asked this question many times over the years - how to do it all?

Answer in short:

I DON’T DO IT ALL!

Trust me, I know what it means to be an overwhelmed mom, which I was for many years when I had 3, 4 and 5 little kids.  

Super overwhelmed.  

I felt like I was walking in circles chasing my tail all day long every day trying to do everything.  

I never knew where to turn next, or what should be priority.

It’s been a long learning curve! But I learned.  

Yes, mommies run the ship in their homes. But a captain doesn’t do it all himself.

So here are the tricks to the trade that I’ve discovered over the years that have helped me breathe just a little easier. (Not in any particular order)

The How-To of Managing it All:

1. House

You can’t wing it every day.  I know.  I learned the hard way. You need a system for meal planning and prep, for laundry, for home organizing and cleaning, for bill paying and for anything else that you do on a regular basis.

Here are some of the systems that I’ve put in place:

LAUNDRY

Anyone 11 or older does their own laundry. I show them how and at first I do it with them every time, until they get the hang of it.

Sometimes I’m met with a little grumbling but at this point my teens actually like doing their own laundry as they don’t lose their socks anymore and they get to control what gets put in the dryer or hung. They have their own laundry basket in their room and it’s their job to be on top of getting their laundry done.

I can’t begin to tell you what a help it’s been to have the load the teen’s of the laundry (pun intended!) off my shoulders. They are truly old enough to do it - and it makes for less for me to do.

My three little kids ‘helping’ put their PJs away. LOL!

Remember our goal here: I don’t do it all!

For the younger kids I keep a laundry basket in each room. Those two siblings who share a room have their laundry done together. The load goes from the hamper to the washer to the dryer and back to their room. This cuts out most of the separating which I always found the biggest part of the job. Only the whites that absolutely need to get separated out are taken and made into a separate load.

I usually stand there with the 3 younger kids folding the laundry and they put it away. Anyone 7 or older folds as well. They get better at folding over time I find that they feel good about having their clothing nice and neat.

One kid gets the chore of folding and putting away the towels.

If we have cleaning help then she changes the linens, otherwise each child helps me change her bed sheets.

HOME ORGANIZING AND CLEANING

I have cleaning help. Mentioned that already. I give her exactly what I need done when she comes, which means I need to be on top of it. I am on top of the laundry every day, I know exactly what needs to be done. I find that being on top of what needs doing every day helps me make sure that someone is doing it – even if it’s not me.

A place for everything and everything in its place. The best way to keep your house organized is to set it up correctly to begin with. Every item should have a home where it belongs. Containers with labels are amazing. Using a home organizer is awesome even if she only comes once or twice and gives you ideas for how to do it yourself. I did that twice over the years and don’t regret a penny I spent.

I spend 20 minutes a day, running around and making sure that things get back to where they belong, or sometimes handing one of the kids something to put away or organize.

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CHORES

As the kids get older they’ve got to help out!  Nothing to discuss.  

But it’s got to be done the right way, with patience, compliments and keeping in mind each child’s strengths and personality.

I’ve learned to become very creative with the chores that I give my kids to do.  I do have good cleaning help so I don’t need to ask them to clean the bathrooms which was one of my chores as a kid. Here’s some creative things I’ve assigned to kids of different ages (mostly over 10) aside from the regular clear the table/sweep the floor/load the dishwasher:

• Picking up a few food items at the corner store

• Doing homework with a younger sibling

• Peeling tomorrow’s dinner veggies in advance

• Hanging up the wet clothing (that doesn’t go in the dryer)

• Making muffins, cookies or a waffle batter (so I can make them fresh in the AM)

• Giving younger siblings a bath and getting them into PJs

• Playing with or reading to younger siblings for 20-30 minutes

• Make sandwiches or cut up veggies for the next day’s school lunches

At this point I have my 5 older kids doing a set chore for the year. We’ve done it differently in the past, switching up chores every week or every month but at this point picking a set chore for the year has been working for us.

This way they can pick something they like (more or less) and get used to it and get good at it.

The younger kids can definitely help out as well.  I’ve had a 5-year-old help out a 3-year-old with his cutting and coloring.  And he felt so grown up about it and helpful!

They can certainly help with sweeping and putting the groceries away and folding the towels.

Being part of a family comes with helping out.  I feel like it’s almost become a lost art somehow - my kids are always telling me how some of their friends don’t have to do chores at all.

But I say - be sure to give your kids opportunities to help out in the house.  It’s not only good for them, it’s good for you too.  Remember you don’t need to do it all!

My daughter, Golda, made this cute video of herself doing the dishes in LIGHTNING SPEED!

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CLEANING HELP

Putting cleaning help into your budget is incredible when you have a whole house of little kids. Getting cleaning help was one of the best pieces of advice a wise older woman gave me years ago. I always felt that cleaning help was not part of my budget, until I realized that sometimes it’s a case of changing priorities.  

Many of us think of cleaning help as an extra or pampering.  When I changed my mindset and said, no this isn’t an extra and I’m not pampering myself, this is now a necessity – it became part of the budget.

Yes, the dishes need cleaning, the laundry needs doing and folding, the floors and bathrooms all need washing but you don’t need to be the one to do it all.  

Even having a high school girl who wants to earn a bit of extra cash come and fold laundry or peel and cut veggies once or twice a week is amazing!

2. Meals

MEAL PLANNING

For many years I have done either a set 3-week meal plan or I plan the menu once a week. The three-week set menu was especially helpful when I had a whole house full of only little kids. I was able to find things that mostly everyone liked and then not think too much about it as I knew what we were having every week.

For years we’ve been following this general dinner plan: Sunday leftovers, Monday Fish or Dairy, Tuesday ground meat, Wednesday Chicken, Thursday hearty soup and a side, Friday chicken, Saturday crockpot dinner.

My daughters, Chaya and Rachel at Target! Look at those smiles... girls and their shopping. LOL!!!

In the last few years I’ve been using RealPlans for meal planning. that helps me plan really healthy meals with fresh new ideas every week. They don’t give me any fake ingredients, just fresh but not too complicated either. My favorite part is that they allow me to choose which ingredients they will not put into my meal plans since we have a bunch of kids with food allergies and sensitivities. They also provide you with a full itemized shopping list to go with your meal plan to make shopping so much easier.

SHOPPING

I print out my shopping list that corresponds to my weekly menu plan and take it along. I also have a pad on the fridge where anyone can add a missing household staple to the list, so I take that list along as well.

I shop in specialty stores (like the health food store) once in three or four weeks and stock up, so I don’t feel like I’m running to numerous stores every week.

I order a lot of things online where there is free shipping available so I can cut down my shopping time in the stores. Just about anything on earth can be found on Amazon! How I love that store! Here’s a link to my storefront with my favorite lists on Amazon.

I’ve had a personal shopper do the shopping at points in my life where I really couldn’t afford the time and energy doing the shopping. She would shop in stores that were more cost effective so I found that I wasn’t really spending that much more on my shopping since I would most probably have gone to the closer more convenient store.

MEAL PREP

I cook two days’ meals in advance when my cleaning help is here in the morning hours so she can do the peeling and cutting. Sometimes even three days’ meals if I know it’s going to be a super busy week. If I know she won’t be there I’ll ask one of the kids to peel and cut the night before.

Defrosting the meat/chicken the night before is crucial to my success. I also do a check to make sure I have all the ingredients ready.

I always make sure to have something ready in the freezing just in case the need arises. This is an awesome resource for learning how to ‘freezer cook’ in advance. You learn the know how so you’ll never again be without dinner at the last minute. Check out Freezeasy here.

I will make a crock pot dinner the night before if I know I’ll be out the whole next day. Here are two great cookbooks for crock pot recipes. 1001 Best Slow Cooker Recipes of All Time and Fix-it and Forget-it Slow Cooker Champion Recipes.

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SCHEDULE

The most important thing of all is your schedule.  Without a daily schedule and a weekly schedule, you can feel like you’re chasing your tail.

I have ADHD and trying to keep my mind from racing and getting overwhelmed is a daily challenge, trust me. So getting my schedule down to a science is super duper important to keeping me organized.

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Sit down with a paper and pen or at your computer (phones aren’t the best for this). Write out all the things you need to do in the day and the week. Don’t forget to include those things that you want to do, like reading stories to the kids.  

Now start to put them into daily and or weekly time slots. You’re going to need to experiment with this when you first start, to know how long things really take you, and play around a little with the schedule.

This will seriously reduce mind scatter and help you concentrate on your task at hand, knowing that you have time for everything else at some point in your day or week.  

It’s the same idea as ‘a place for everything and everything in its place’.  Except instead of physical items, it’s items on your recurring to do list.

Then there’s your non-recurring to do list. For that I highly suggest using a planner, even if you use your phone for appointments.  There’s just something about putting pen to paper when it comes to organizing your to do list.  

I’ve literally been stuck like glue to my planner for the last 13 years since a home organizer first told me to get one.

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3. Work

I make hours for work and I try not to let it take over the rest of my life.  

A day in the life of my work life - shooting my videos.

When I first started working I worked when the kids were at school and the baby taking a nap, but now my youngest is already 6 and goes to school so I have a bigger stretch of time.  

Sometimes I do need to be flexible if I have a client who needs a very specific time requested for our session together but then I just move things around a bit on my schedule.

I do find that it takes a lot of self-discipline to stop when I’m in the middle of something when the kids come home, but I am a mommy first and everything else comes after that. I used to be a full time stay at home mom and I didn’t work at all outside of raising my kids, which was definitely a full time around the clock job (think 8 pregnancies, 8 newborns, 8 toddlers!).  

I always thought I would miss that stage, but I’m really enjoying my work and I look forward to it.  It gives me that fulfillment I crave which in turn gives me the energy to be a great mom when my kids come home.  

There’s so much to enjoy and appreciate in every stage of life!

One more thing I’ll add in is the fact that I’ve employed a VA at different points over the last 4 years, which has been a big help. Basically it means that I can do the fun parts of my business and leave a lot of the tech ones to my assistant. I have loved the assistants that I’ve found at Onlinejobs.

4. Kids

I value spending undivided individual time with each kid.  So, you ask, with everything you’ve just said that you do in a day, how on earth do you do that with 8 kids?

Good question. Simple answer?

I put it in the schedule.  Basically, afternoons is for the little kids and while I’m with them I make sure to steal a little time with each one individually. I also sit or lie with each of them individually at bed time.  

The middle kids get their individual time after the little kids are in bed (after about 7:30). I’ll sit outside on the canopy swing with them, read them a book, play a game, bake together, etc.

For more specifics about my daily schedule and how I fit it all in see my post  Working Mom Schedule: A Day in the Life of a Busy Mom of 8

My boys at the park on a summer afternoon!

Teens get their time after the middle kids are in bed (after 9pm).  I’ll go for a walk with one of them, sit and talk on the canopy swing, bake together, etc.  I also have one night a week for each teen that we go out together.  

Like Monday nights I go exercising with my oldest daughter.  We don’t always get machines next to each other at the gym, but we do have all the time on the way there and back together and we often end up sitting in the car talking afterwards.

If I see that someone needs extra mommy time I’ll cancel my evening plans and take them out, or even let them miss a day of school and we’ll go out for the day together.

Kids need their mommy.  Plain and simple.

Individual. Undivided. Time. Attention.

I also make sure to make vacation time a lot of fun.  Good family fun time.  Camping, water hikes, trips, etc.  It’s not individual time, but it’s family memory making time and that’s important too.

5. Me Time

I was once burnt out.  It was a big wake up call for me and I learned that I need to not only be a mom/wife/daughter/friend to all those I loved around me.  I needed to be me. 

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I was the Grandfather in ‘Heidi’ - yes that’s me in a beard and a fat suit!

I had actually lost what being me was all about.  I thought I was just being a good mommy, taking care of my family first. But what I didn’t realize was that when I neglect or forget about myself, everyone around me suffers too.

Myself with Heidi, Clara and Peter in ‘Heidi’ last year.

Now I do things that I love to do, just because I love to do them.  Not because the kids need it.  Not because it will be good for the family.  

Just for me.

That means I can go to the beach with a girlfriend, go on a hike, watch the sunset, meditate, read, learn new things, go exercising.  

Sit at the park ALONE!

And I don’t always need to have a kid with me.  Sometimes I do.  Sometimes I don’t.

In my daily and weekly schedule, I have me time.  Plain and simple.  I don’t start work in the morning until I’ve meditated. I exercise at the gym twice a week.

Sometimes I need more time than that and my me time comes out of working hours or it comes out of kids’ hours and someone babysits. And that’s ok too.

This past year I joined an all ladies play put on by ladies for ladies. We did the story of Heidi and I was the Grandfather! It was SO MUCH FUN!!! Did this take time away from my family? Sure it did. Did I come home with a smile? You better believe it!

I’ve learned that I am the most important member of the family since I’m the nourisher, who keeps it all together.  That means I must must must take care of myself with healthy, nutritious meals, enough sleep and exercise, and me time.  Just to be who I am and do what I love to do.

And you know what?  My kids are watching, and learning from me how to take care of themselves, how to not only do the responsible things in life, but also to do what they love to do.

That’s what I want for my kids.  I want them to grow up and create a life for themselves that makes them jump out of bed every morning so excited because they love their life.

What excites you so much that you jump out of bed in the morning with a great big smile?

Husband Time

I originally published this article and got some comments like ‘why isn’t there any husband time, isn’t that important too?’

YES!!! Making time for your husband is super important! When I wrote this post I was already a single mom and so spending time with a husband isn’t currently in my schedule. I do make time to spend with friends (read: lots of coffee dates!) and family (my mother and I WhatsApp video call each other every day), so I do get some adult interaction time in my day.

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When I was married (over the course of 16 years) I did also make date nights and we usually either took a walk in the afternoon or sat on the couch talking after the kids were in bed in the evening (note this was before we had older teens).

If you have a significant other in your life then PLEASE DO prioritize time together every day.

How to do it all?

The answer? You don’t! Don’t try to be Superman…. or Supermom! There’s no heroism in being a martyr. Be smart, set up systems, get your kids to help out and make sure to make time for YOU!

Cuz if you make the time to do the things that make you wake up to every new day with a smile because you LOVE YOUR LIFE - you will have the energy - both emotional and physical - to get everything you need to get done in your day.