Thriving Marriage After Having a Baby – How To?

Thriving Marriage After Having a Baby – How To?

It’s often the shock of every couple when they’re baby is about 8 months old that they’ve hardly spent any time alone together since their infants arrival!

Let’s face it, once you have kids you have less resources to nurture your relationship.

Less time. Less money. And less freedom. 

You can end up in the cycle of work, kids and household responsibilities and sleep.

And that can leave you feeling disconnected.

What then are the secrets to having a thriving marriage even after your baby arrives…. and for years to come!

Here are some gems I’ve gleaned from interviewing countless couples who have growing families and have kept their love alive all the while.

Thriving Marriage After Having a Baby Tips:

1.  Communication Skills

It’s very important at this stage to work on enhancing communication skills and the ability to navigate through conflict.

This is something you’ll need in parenting – a lot! And also for work things out between the two of you as your family grows.

All the couples I’ve spoken to have told me that this is the number one key to seeing your relationship thrive for years to come - being able to communicate well. Cuz if something bothers you and you keep it all bottled up inside for lack of knowing how to effectively communicate, eventually it will all come out - but when it all comes out after being bottle up it won’t sound very nice, right?

Looking to learn the communication skills that will help both your relationship thrive as well as your parenting? Join the Effective Parenting Communication Free Course! You learn a plethora of incredible tools that will help you in every relationship in your life - especially within your own family!

2. Schedule

Who is going to do what? You don't want to end up in a situation where you get woken by a crying baby in the middle of the night and you are both lying there waiting for the other one to go get the baby.  That leads to fighting and resentment. 

Plan it in advance. Make a schedule, discuss your roles and of course, leave room for exceptions!

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3. Money

How will you deal with less income if one of you is staying home with the baby? And the added expenses? 

Where will you cut, where will you add in extra outside help and what is the budget?

What are your priorities? Many couples discover along the road that their financial priorities are not always in line with each others. Time to take those newfound communication skills of yours and figure this one out.

4. Sex

In general, doctors say to lay off the intimacy until the baby is 6 weeks old.  But then what happens?

Let me clue you in on something you might know already….

You’re going to be TIRED!!! Like all the time!!!

It might be a while until life goes back to normal.  But at the same time be there for your spouse.  Get a babysitter and take a nap. Dress up every now and then and remember to keep your relationship strong… and sexy.

In this fantastic book, Babyproofing Your Marriage, they have lots to say about sex after having a baby – and it’s hysterically written!

5. Sleeping Arrangements

What will the sleeping arrangements be?  What room will the baby sleep in?  What bed will the baby sleep in? Will you co-sleep?

Will you get help from a baby sleeping consultant if you need it?

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6. Build a Support System

It used to be that we lived with grandparents and aunts and uncles and siblings nearby.  If you do have that - then great, but make sure to discuss with the grandparents what works for everyone.

If you don't then how will you make up for this lack?  Find friends and neighbors with whom you can make family.  Make sure to build yourself a good strong community – cuz it takes a village to raise a child!

7. Parenting Style

Time to discuss what parenting style you’re planning to use. Will you be more strict like your spouse’s parents, or more laid back like yours?

How will you handle misbehavior? How will you motivate them? What if they don’t listen? How will you handle discipline?

Now’s the time to start thinking about parenting classes so you can have a full plan in place once the need arises.

The last thing you want to happen is to experience your first tantrum and to be standing across from each other disagreeing on what to do next.

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8. Tired is the New Reality

If one of you can handle the lack of sleep better than the other one, then be understanding of the other.

Sometimes dads don’t quite understand how exhausting the after-birth stage is.

Recovering from birth + nursing + taking care of a newborn. Ouch!

If he doesn't understand why you are so tired all the time.  Don’t be so quick to jump down his throat.  He doesn’t get it. 

No one can quite understand what you’re going through other than someone who’s been through it themselves.

Like me! I truly get it. Having 8 kids means I’ve been through it 8 times!

It’s time to put on your patience hat! 

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Moms: Remember you’re overwhelmed with a baby and he’s overwhelmed with a baby and a wife who’s overwhelmed. Just remember that he can get overwhelmed too!

Dads: Remember she’s been through a marathon and bouncing back to the norm is going to take a lot of time. Just keep heaping on the appreciation!

9. Anger Management for Parents

Do you get angry easily? Some people have never had anger issues until they have kids…. and then the whining and tantrums compounded by the lack of sleep…. starts to get to them.

That was me!

I don’t ever remember having any anger problems as a kid, but when I became a parent….. let’s just say I surprised myself. Yep.

If this is an area where you might struggle – it’s ok to reach out for some help. It can make a world of difference to the growing family that you love.

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10. Your Relationship is Priority

Need to carve out time to nurture your relationship.

Date night. Evening time together.

Enjoy your growing family together, but make sure to have time for just the two of you. 

And when you two spend time together make sure to share your happiness and excitement with your spouse, not just your problems and complaints. 

Parenting is overwhelming to say the least – but every spouse loves a happy and upbeat partner.

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11. Personal Development for Parents

You want to know the real secret to being in love and to staying in love?

Be the person whom everyone loves! And that means constantly working on yourself to be a better person. Working on your patience, your compassion, on being thoughtful and kind, working on anger management, seeing things from someone else’s perspective. All these are traits that will make you the kind of person that your spouse loves to be with – to spend time with – and to build a family with.

Now’s also the time to start thinking about the fact that you’re now a role model. That everything that you do is being watched.

And there will come the day when you see your kids doing everything like you – like little copycats!

Are you ready for that?

Personal development is oh so important when it comes to parenting – cuz if you want your kids to grow up to be the best versions of themselves, then as their role model you need to be the best version of yourself!