Mom Burnout to glorious triumphant vitality: a How to
All it took was a mindset switch. Really.
I was in mom burnout and I didn’t even know it. It crept up on me slowly but surely over time and I didn’t see it coming and didn’t even recognize it while it was there.
So, the first thing you should ask is - what does mom burnout look like?
Snapping at the kids – “No you cannot… Because I said so.”
Forgetting things- “Where are my glasses? Oh shoot where are my glasses?” (on my head!)
Feeling overwhelmed - Make dinner? Way too overwhelming!
Watering down your mommy routines – “Kids into bed, alright I kissed you yesterday and read a story last week, goodnight.”
Mixing things up – I actually said this to my kids one night: “ok everyone, go make in bed and jump in the potty!” LOL!
Hiding Chocolate – this is embarrassing to admit but if you’ve done it you know what I mean.
“I’m tired” - becomes your most common sentence.
Don’t want to get out of bed – you just want to stay there.
If you are feeling any number of these together, especially that listless feeling of no motivation whatsoever, then congratulations!
You are officially in Mom Burnout!
Give yourself a pat on the back! The best of moms end up there.
Not purposely or intently, of course, but it happens.
The question is – how did we get there?
And more importantly, how do we GET OUT?
I’ll tell you how I got there. When I started my family, I said I wanted two things: (1) to have a lot of kids and (2) to be the best mother in the world!
To me, being the best mother in the world meant being a full time stay at home mom, nursing my babies full time until age 1, cooking only homemade healthy food, bringing my kids to the library, to gymnastics and sports activities, playing with them, reading daily, giving them lots of love and attention and being there whenever my kids needed me.
To make a long story short - a miracle maker.
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But notice that my whole concept of being a mom was concentrating on my family’s needs. Which is great. But where was I in the picture?
Why was being a great mom only about the kids? What about the mother raising them?
The more I’ve thought about that the more I ask: How did I get to that mindset?
Well, years ago, I saw some pretty selfish people around me when I was in school. I hated how self-centered and selfish they were, as if no one else existed.
I did NOT want to be like that and I decided with a lot of conviction that I wanted to be a giver. Not to be someone totally self-centered and unaware of others and their needs.
Someone who is taking all day long – a what’s in it for me type of person.
No. I am going to be a giver.
So, when I became a wife, a teacher, a mother, then my family expanded to two and three, four and more, I gave and gave and gave… until I was burnt right out.
All I saw, day in and day out were my family’s needs and wants - and it was a lot.
Having a whole bunch of little kids is exhausting both physically and emotionally and I thought I had to do it all myself.
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But what I didn’t know was that in order to be a giver, first you need to give to yourself. A mom who is tired and overworked doesn’t benefit anyone. In fact, she ends up resentful.
Resentful? Yes, resentful of the same people that she loves and wants so desperately to give to.
So here is the secret friends!
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN BE AN AMAZING MOTHER IS TO FIRST BE AN AMAZING YOU.
You do that by filling yourself up. By giving more, not less time to yourself. And surprise!
You will find you are giving MORE TIME and you have MORE ENERGY for your children as a result.
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When someone would ask me what I do as a hobby for fun, I used to laugh and say ‘change diapers!’ I actually thought that leaving the kids to have my own ‘fun’ was being irresponsible.
Now, I have ‘me time’ built into my day and my week. It made me this mom enthusiastic that I want to be. Hiking, reading, swimming, meditating, writing or even just a cup of tea with a good book.
A Mother Gives to Her Children by Route of Her Cup Overflowing
I’ve learned to love to spend time with me. I’ve even started working part time because I finally admitted to myself that I like the fulfillment I get out of doing work that I love. I can still be a great mom even if I work.
In fact, I think I’m a better mom now that I work, because working gives me this awesome feeling of accomplishment and that translates to a bigger smile and more energy for the kids when they come home.
My mother told me recently that she’s so sorry that she ever gave up painting when I was born. We had drawings that she had drawn in our house growing up. She was really good. But at the time she felt that she had to be a responsible and loving mother and devote all her spare time to me.
That got me thinking….. how many things did I give up when I started having kids?
I used to ride horses. I used to jump and I won so many ribbons. I haven’t been on a horse in 20 years.
I’m not saying that it’s easy to get away when the kids are pulling at you from all directions, but if this is your oxygen, then you WILL find a way.
Because if you are hyperventilating from being overworked and under stimulated you’re not going to benefit anybody.
Raising fully rounded children cannot be done by a hollowed-out mom. If you want to be a great mom, first you’ve got to be a great YOU.
Fuel yourself!
As they caution on airplanes, if you don’t secure your own oxygen mask first, you won’t be able to breathe life into your children.That means that sometimes you need to put your family and life aside a little and just be with you.
Remember who you are. Feel your heartbeat, and find what makes your sun shine.
This isn’t selfish. This is the most selfless act a mother can do.
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When your child knocks on your bedroom door and asks, “mommy what are you doing in there?” You can answer: “I’m making you a mother.”
Don’t be afraid to give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted in life. When you wake up from mom burnout to a new day with a big smile on your face because you LOVE YOUR LIFE, you will have the energy to be the mom enthusiastic that you always wanted to be.
You’ll be the mother who will teach her children, by example, how to take care of themselves, how to do things that make them shine, how to create the life of their dreams.
So….. when are we going horseback riding?
What makes your sun shine?
