10 important family values to raise confident & Kind kids

My heart swelled! My youngest son had just lost his first tooth the night before and got his first tooth fairy money. Boy was he excited!

His sister was nice enough to bring him to the corner store so he could pick out something yummy. Funnily enough he didn’t get candy, chocolate or ice cream – he got a noodle soup in a cup (I guess I never buy those because they’re full of MSG). But the nicest thing is that he got one for his 8-year-old brother as well!

Isn’t that sweet?

He thought to use his special tooth fairy money to buy something not only for himself but for his brother as well.

That’s the kind of thing that makes my heart swell! With all the blood, sweat and tears that we put into parenting – for moments like this it’s all worth it! Agree?

Now the question is… how do we recreate moments like that?

How can we actively teach our children these important family values? Moral values for children in everyday life?

And not only that – but which are the most important family values to teach kids from a young age?

10 Important Family Values to Teach Our Kids

1. Kindness & Generosity

To me this is the most important of all traits. I can raise a child to be smart and successful and make a lot of friends, but what does all of that matter if he’s not kind and giving?

Kindness can be taught by saying kind words to cheer others up, by baking cookies for the new neighbors or by sharing the things that you have.

But the most important way to teach this trait is by personal example. My mother is the kindest person I know. In every area of life, I have consistently seen her kindness and generosity to those around us.

She had a very popular TV series when I was in high school and the number of times she would invite people to our home for dinner, people who had called or emailed her about their difficult life situation and how her show had uplifted them. She just wanted to allow them to be heard and to feel that their feelings were validated. And they loved her for it! Such was the kindness my mother showed.

Once my mother drove from Toronto to Cleveland, where we were living when I was expecting my 4th child. She came along to the hospital when I was in labor with a bunch of yummy food for later so I wouldn’t be hungry. Of course the nurses noticed the delicious aroma of home cooked food and commented. My mother of course offered some to the nurses and the midwife.

‘Oh, no please have some. I insist!’

Her generosity knew no bounds.

2. Honesty

Encourage honesty. Praise it. Promote it. And of course, tell stories about honesty!

The best time of the day to tell stories about heroes who were honest even when faced with hard choices is bedtime. Your kids have nowhere to go except bed and they’re eager to put that off a few minutes more… and they’re listening to you with full attention.

Even better yet is the fact that the stories that you tell before they fall asleep are on their mind as they fall into the abyss and therefore, they are more likely to seep deep down into their subconscious mind.

When your young child tells you the truth – celebrate it! Reward it! I have special lollipops in my house that I take out when I want to reward a child for telling the truth when it’s really hard to.

Make sure that your kids always equate telling the truth with BRAVERY!

Cuz that’s truly what it is! 

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3. Respect

Respect towards parents, grandparents and teachers is a great place to start – but what about respecting different cultures and races?

In a world as diverse as ours, respect is an oh so important trait to have. I grew up in Toronto – one of the most diverse cities in the world.

In my class alone we had African Americans, Orientals, Indians, Hispanics, mixed races, Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Sikhs, just to name a few. And the languages that these families could speak! Wow.

But we all grew up thinking that this is just the way the world is, we’re all different but we’re all still the same – kids who were all friends.

Another form of respect is to respect every human, no matter where they stand financially or what they do: the street cleaner, the garbage man, the person holding the door open at the hotel. This was one thing I saw my parents and  my grandparents model so many times over. Wherever they went they knew everyone by name, asked about their families and always had a kind word to say.

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4. Character Building

Character building is the process of personal development. It’s how you become a better person, every day improving a little more.

Our character traits aren’t set in stone. It’s not like a child is born the way they are and that’s it for life!

No.

You may have certain tendencies, like some people get angry easily and others have more patience – but you have the power to change! To mold yourself into the kind of person that you want to be!

That is the power of character building – and that is something I strive to have my children value, for the in order to go out and face the world every morning with your best self – you need to work on building that self – with intention, each day.

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5. Responsibility

Responsibility comes in many forms. You need to be responsible and not spend too much money, get your homework done and go to sleep on time.

And then there’s responsibility for one’s actions.

You made a mess, clean it up.

You hurt someone’s feelings, time to apologize and make things right.

The attitude of ‘who cares’ or ‘so what?’ is the exact opposite to this trait and one you want your child to avoid like the plague.

I like to praise my kids for being ‘responsible’ as often as I catch them displaying this trait, like studying in advance for a test, getting to sleep early or watching how much they spend – so they aim to consistently be responsible.

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6. Family

One of the reasons I believe strongly that my kids should be doing chores is because I want to instill in them the value of responsibility towards their family.

The generation today is very much one of entitlement.

“The world is here to serve me” type. A mentality of “I don’t need to do for you unless it’s worth it for me”.

I don’t want my kids to be raised like that. I want my kids to grow up feeling responsible (in a healthy way) for themselves and their family around them.

Same goes for taking care of family members – making sure nobody else makes fun of or hurts their siblings at school, going out of their way to do things to help their grandparents, helping their parents out.

Our family members are the ones who truly care about us – no matter what. Aren’t those the people that we should be going out of our way to help out?

7. Compassion

Having compassion is the root of caring for other people. To notice what others are going through and to truly care.

This is something we naturally teach toddlers from a young age – that we show a sad face when they’re crying, and kiss their booboos when they hurt.

Compassion is also being able to forgive someone when they’ve wronged you. To be able to understand that just like I myself am not perfect and sometimes say and do things that I’m not proud of, so are other people not perfect.

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8. Gratitude

In my opinion, the path to happiness in life is being grateful. There are so many annoyances and inconveniences that come up every day, if we would dwell on them instead of looking for the things we have to be grateful for – our lives would be miserable.

Especially in today’s world where we have so much that we take for granted – appliances, transportation, heating and cooling, vacations – and so much more!

Once, back about 15 years ago, I had just moved into a new home and our moving date had gotten pushed up so we ended up having to live for just more than a week without a washer, dryer, fridge and phone (before I had a cell phone). We had ordered these appliances to arrive when we moved in, and the phone to be hooked up, but since we were early in moving in we had to just be patient. My grandmother, who was born and raised in Eastern Europe chuckled to herself at one point and said ‘It’s funny how it’s such a big deal to live without all of these appliances – we didn’t have any of them in Europe.’

So true! Instead of appreciating all the good that we have – we complain about what we don’t have!

I find that the more I point out the good that we do have – on a daily basis – the more my kids do the same and the less they complain.

Next time you do a big shopping, try to remember to mention out loud how grateful you are for all this delicious food to feed your family – instead of complaining about the long lines, the items they didn’t have or the checkout lady who was terribly slow. Trust me, when you choose to be grateful, your kids naturally begin to follow suit.

9. Perseverance

Failure is hard – for all of us. But the only way you can ever get anywhere is by persevering, working harder, doing it again.

It’s hard for kids in today’s day and age – it’s a seriously competitive world out there, that’s why perseverance is not an optional trait – it’s a must!

Praise perseverance. Encourage trying again. Don’t make a big deal out of failure or low grades, rather praise the effort and the process.

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10. Humility

No one likes a showoff - it’s one of the most disliked traits a person can have – yet also one of the easiest to acquire.

Yes, you can be smart, beautiful, accomplished, wealthy or a super athlete. But the key is to be ever so grateful for your gifts and humble.

Humble and Kind is one of my favorites, what a great song to play to teach kids this value.

Teaching Family Values in Everyday Life

1.Model the Values You Want to Teach

This goes without saying – monkey see, monkey do. But you know that already.

The key is to model family values and point them out to your kids while you’re doing them – otherwise they might not notice.

‘Oh look, let’s get those tulips for Aunty Tricia. She loves tulips and I’m sure she could use the visit and the flowers to brighten her day. It’s important to think about other people, right?’

‘Wow, the neighbor’s grandmother is in the hospital. I can’t imagine what they’re going through. Let me call and see what I can do for them. Maybe let’s also make them some cookies. It’s important to show others that we care about what they’re going through and to offer to help out.’

‘Look at the prices – they jump up for 6-year-olds. Wouldn’t it be nice to pretend that Sarah is still 5? Yeah, but that wouldn’t be honest, and that’s more important, right?’

You could have bought the flowers for Aunty Tricia on your own or called the neighbors without mentioning it to your kids or not said anything about the pricing at all. But then you would have missed an opportunity to talk about the things that you do and why they are important values to you.

Don’t only model good values… point them out!

2. Tell Stories

The most powerful tool for teaching anything is by telling a story.

Do you love stories?

I do.

A story has the power to pull in your attention & to help you retain what you've learned too. It also helps you to go into the mind and emotions of the people in the story so you can fully understand what they’re going through.

One of my girls was repeating a story that her teacher said in school one day at the dinner table and he older sister (by one year) joined in and added a bunch of details to the story. She had remembered the story perfectly from a full year earlier when she had been in this teacher’s class!

Any values that you want to teach your children - teach it using a story. Find stories in books, online, family tradition stories. Whatever lessons, values or anything in life can be taught via a story – trust me - they'll remember it for life.

Here’s a book list of books to read kids with good family values.

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3. Compliment & Make a BIG Deal

So my 8-year-old son, Yitzy, has been very active in the kitchen over the last 5 months during the Coronavirus quarantine. (I guess there’s not much else to do…) He’s been making pita pizza, grilled cheese, smoothies, frozen orange juice popsicles, hot dogs on the BBQ, Israeli salad, and even pancakes (don’t worry - someone watches him by the stove).

I realized that now’s the time to make a BIG deal out of this.

Making a big deal out of it will not only encourage him to keep it up – it will make him realize that I really care about this.

Whatever you make a BIG deal about is what your kids know is most important to you.

4. Label Your Child by His Actions

There’s a lot of labels I could have chosen when I saw my son displaying his culinary talents.

Independent, mature, responsible, hard-working, motivated, creative, determined, ambitious.

I gave it some thought and decided….

Thoughtful & Giving.

That’s what I wanted my son to hear being said about himself. That’s the values I want to seep down into his psyche.

‘Wow, Yitzy! You are so incredibly thoughtful!! You could have made food just for yourself but instead you decided to make for everyone! How thoughtful! That is so giving of you.’

By now I have said variations of this almost every day for the last 5 months to my son.

I have even told his younger brother (with Yitzy’s listening nearby) ‘Right, when you get a little bigger you’re going to be so thoughtful and giving live your brother, Yitzy?’

This has had such an impact on Yitzy that recently he started coming to knock on my door about the time I get up every day with a smoothie and salad in hand, ‘Here Mommy, I made you breakfast!’ And on the morning that we headed out for our big family summer trip, Yitzy had made the whole family pancakes!

It’s all in the label.

I labelled Yitzy as thoughtful of others and giving to his family, and now that’s how he thinks of himself.

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5. Try to Ignore the Annoyances

When my son makes grilled cheese, orange juice popsicles or smoothies the kitchen is a wreck!!! Like mess-all-over-the-counter, dripping-down-the-cabinets, sticky-all-over-the-floor kind of mess. Soooooo fun to clean up. (Not!)

Orange juice all over the floor, cheese and sauce all over the counter, frozen strawberry juice defrosting all down the cabinets. Yeah….

Do I consistently bring him back to clean him up and help him out? Yes. Trick is to avoid – what I really want to do when I see this mess is yell:

‘Again? I just cleaned the kitchen last night! I’m always cleaning the kitchen! I don’t understand why you can’t just clean up after yourself – or just don’t make popsicles, smoothies or grilled cheese!!!!’

BUT.

If I were to start yelling at him, the compliments, labels and big deal I would make out of his thoughtfulness would kind of lose its effect. Right?

Whatever you make a BIG deal about is what your kids know is most important to you. If you make a big deal about the mess – they know that’s what’s most important to you.

Don’t make a big deal about the small annoyances. In 20 years, no one will remember the spilled milk (well orange juice in my case), but your child’s heart will remember the excitement that you felt about the great acts of kindness that he did.

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Importance of Family Values

Family values and beliefs are the moral compass that guides our families – it’s what defines what we value – what’s ok and what isn’t. These family values are what help teach our kids the difference between right and wrong, teachings that will stay with them for their lives.

Children aren’t born with a set of values. They must be taught. These are lessons they learn not only by what we teach them, but of course by what they see is important to us and by what we model.

Many people don’t think about their family values or which moral values they want to impart to their kids – until either a crisis arises or their child starts demonstrating a less than desirable trait that goes against their values.

The thing is – if you want to recreate moments like my six-year-old spending his tooth fairy money on his brother then we need to actively teach our children these important family values.

The moral values that are most important to us in our everyday life – ones that will make your heart swell when you see your kids making you proud, like they did mine!

Are you ready to learn the secrets to effective parenting communication - So You can Clearly & Effectively Impart the family values Most important to you?

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