ADHD Mom: Tips for Managing ADHD as a Mom
A number of years ago, one day I was bemoaning to a friend that my kids were late to school again and what a big mess my house was again and how I felt like I was all over the place and not managing again.
She said to me – point blank – “Did you ever consider that maybe you have ADHD?”
I laughed and said “Sure, don’t we all?”
She said, “No, I’m serious, you sound just like my husband and he has ADHD. You know there’s things you can do about it. Why don’t I give you the number of the psychologist that my husband went to for his evaluation? Think about it, Ok?”
I was really surprised. I never really thought about ADHD. Isn’t that something that kids have?
To have myself evaluated and diagnosed?
But a few short weeks later I found myself in that office and sure enough I passed with flying colors!
I didn’t want to go the medicated route since I was nursing at the time (and then I was pregnant and then nursing again and then pregnant again… you get the picture), besides I’m the natural type, and would prefer to find an alternative route to meds.
I chose to see an ADHD coach – and she gave me a few great tips. The truth is I only went to see her once. I probably would have benefited from seeing her on a regular basis, but I was really busy with my babies and toddlers and growing family and I didn’t choose to make it a priority. Maybe I should have….?
Discovering that I had ADHD led me to the realization that I needed to have a few of my kids evaluated and yes, some of them also came out with flying colors.
Having a full diagnosis for my kids was really helpful for them because we could get them the help they needed in school.
But what really amazed me was how this little bit of knowledge helped me learn to manage so much better – even though I wasn’t going to school – I was being a stay at home mommy.
The biggest thing was the mindset change. I used to think that I wasn’t managing, and it was because I had a lot of little kids… but then sometimes I thought it was because I was lazy… or naturally disorganized…. or there was something wrong with me… let’s just say it wasn’t good for my self-esteem.
☞ If you like this post, you will love: Mom Burnout to Glorious Triumphant Vitality: A How To
But now I was reading books about ADHD, understanding the issues that came along with it and learning tools to help manage and come out on top.
THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE ADHD – DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
You’re feel like you’re always either completely lazy or trying to get everything done at the same time.
You get so hyper focused on something (conversation, project, etc.) you forget everything else that needs to get done.
You come to a room to put something away and get distracted doing something else in that room and forget what you were doing there to begin with.
Your sense of time doesn’t seem to match with clock’s sense of time.
You like to push things off to do later – but later has a hard time ever coming.
You have more piles than files.
When you’re listening to someone it often gets interrupted by a daydream.
You have so many long-term goals (which change often) that you can’t ever decide which one to concentrate on.
Your ‘emergency’ credit card has a LOT of emergency expenses.
Everything is EXCITING!!! – but you get bored so easily.
You’re late. Again.
Your bedroom looks worse than the teens’ room.
Yep! I relate big time!!!Here are some tips that have helped me manage my ADHD mom state – even while raising a large family as a stay at home mom.
☞ If you like this post, you will love: How to Be More Confident in Your Parenting
7 Tips for Managing as an ADHD Mom
1. PLANNER
If you fail to plan - you plan to fail. Even though I have a phone I still have a planner, cuz the planner is a great place to write it all down in one place.
Your to do list, your appointments this week, your weekly schedule, just anything that’s floating in your head that should be on paper.The planner is the most efficient replacement for little scraps of to do lists flying all over the house.
All in one place - although I do put everything in the two places – both my phone and in the planner. But you know what? Since I started doing this – I don’t miss things like I used to.
I sit down with a pen write out everything once a week and then I check it daily. The phone’s alarms are just my reminders. The planner is where the real planning gets done.
And trust me, writing everyone down in one place is soooooo much better than having a million little sticky notes flying all over the place!!!
Related: Top 3 Planners for the Busy Mom
2. ALARMS
My phone’s calendar is in sync with my computer’s calendar so no matter what I’m looking at the alarm will pop up at me – and I have an alarm for every item on my calendar.
Weekly events are also in there including gymnastics and judo – all my kids and my own recurring appointments.
I also have daily alarms that go off at various times throughout the day reminding me to pick up carpool, dinner in 15 minutes, little kids bedtime etc., so I don’t fall behind the schedule.
The phone that gives me reminders all day long was one of the gems I got out of my meeting with the ADHD coach.
Sometimes if I need to finish a task and get it done without getting distracted I’ll set an alarm so I’ll be motivate to beat it. Like cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. That’s another great way of using an alarm.
3. DAILY & WEEKLY SCHEDULE
Ever heard ‘a place for everything and everything in it’s place’? This works for your weekly to do list just as much as for items in your house. Everything that needs to get done in my life on a weekly or monthly schedule has a ‘home’ – a place in my schedule where it gets done.
Set times for routinely done things in your weekly schedule. Weekly schedule if displayed in a prominent spot on the fridge with each child’s schedule in a different color.
4. KEEPING AN ORGANIZED HOME
I’ve had a home organizer come to my home a few times over the years to help organize a new house that we’ve moved into. To get it set up right from the start. What goes where, etc.
Each time I’ve had a lovely experience with a lady who was very professional – didn’t at all make me feel bad about my ‘mess’ and was quick to turn it all into an organized mom’s heaven.
Containers, Labels, the works. Then it’s making sure the kids know where everything goes and - daily and weekly upkeep from there (I make sure to put that in the weekly schedule).
☞ If you like this post, you will love: How I Do It All: House, Meals, Work, Kids & Me Time
Wouldn’t it be nice if my kitchen always looked so clean and organized? Not happening! LOL!
5. ASSOCIATE A DAY OF THE WEEK WITH A SPECIFIC TASK
I associate certain days of the week for getting certain tasks done. I simply won’t let myself do anything else or get distracted until those things are done.Ex: Every Thursday morning, I go grocery shopping after I drop off the kids before I get to work. I put away only the perishables (I bag them separately) and then the kids each put away a set number of bags each when they come home. I simply will not get to work until the shopping is done.
Ex: Saturday night and Sunday morning, I do the little and middle kids laundry and again on Wednesday. I have the little kids’ laundry ready in time for the cleaning help on Sunday morning to fold it and put it away and the middle kids fold their own and put it away. The teenagers do their own laundry entirely – I’m not involved.
I associate Saturday nights and Wednesdays with laundry. Ex: Thursday afternoon I cook a bake a lot for the weekend – enough for meals from Thursday through Sunday night. (That’s the main dish – the salads I have one of the kids cut up before dinner.) I associate Thursday evenings with cooking and baking.
6. Delegating
I don’t need to do it all – but it all needs to get done – and finding the right person to do it has made all the difference. I have regular cleaning help – many people don’t put this in their budget because they consider it a luxury. Big mistake. Regular cleaning help is not a luxury when you’re raising little kids. It’s a great necessity. I’d rather go on a simple family vacation like camping and have the budget for cleaning help. Think about it.
I also make sure that my kids are helping out. They live here and should be pulling some weight too. I feel like as long as it’s done in a positive and loving way, explaining that everyone needs to help out will generally be well accepted by kids.
☞ If you like this post, you will love: Why I Don’t Pay My Kids To Do Chores
7. THE POWER OF MOTIVATION
Motivation is a big thing with ADHD. If you really want to do something, you’ll do it. The trick is to get yourself motivated to do things that you’re not as excited about.
I try very hard to set things up so that I’ve got a motivation for getting certain tasks done. Some examples: I am super motivated to get all the laundry done by both Sunday and Thursday mornings because that’s when the cleaning help comes – if the laundry is done then she can put it away. If not – she can’t and then I’m on my own.
I am motivated to get the cooking and baking done Thursday night because then I’m free to have fun with the kids over the weekend and don’t need to worry about getting the meals done. I’m also motivated to get it done Thursday evening because the kids are home and available to peel all those veggies.
I make sure to do fun things with my middle and older kids in the evenings – which is a big motivator to get the 3 little ones in bed on time (and they desperately need that sleep or they fall apart the next day). We play cards or games, one night I go exercising with one of my teens. I look forward to this time with them and it’s a big motivator to get the little ones’ bedtime running on time.
I make sure to get my work done and save whatever I consider a ‘fun’ for after my work. Like my dad always taught me: Privilege comes with Responsibility. Or in other words: Work first and then fun. I carry this into my parenting too.
Tips to lessen the effects of ADHD
Getting enough sleep – when my youngest started sleeping through the night consistently I came out of this haze that I had been in for a long time. It’s almost like I became more alive, more aware, more present – just because my brain was functioning better from having slept.
Probiotics & Omega – there’s a lot of research about this – everywhere and I’ve seen the benefits for myself.
Less white flour, sugar and dairy – more green veggies and whole foods – changing my diet made a big difference for me.
Having a running to do list and not having everything floating around my head – the fact that it’s written down makes me feel less like I’m flying – and more grounded.
Allowing myself to do one thing at a time and not always be multitasking – this is a biggy – it’s ok to slow down and do one thing at a time.
Now that I’m not pregnant or nursing I did try the meds and have taken them every once and a while when I’ve really needed to get something done – like finishing this blog post! 😊
Jessica at ‘How to ADHD’ is a great resource for ADHDers like me. Think you might have ADHD? See her video How to Know if you Have ADHD.
☞ If you like this post, you will love: 10 Personal Development Tips for Parents
The Benefits of ADHD
Let’s face it - there are some great benefits to having ADHD – like being more fun! I like to be spontaneous sometimes and have fun, pump up the music and dance, go on really fun trips – and my kids really benefit from that.
I allow my kids to get their hands dirty, have water fights, paint with their toes and have ice cream parties before dinner!
Plus ADHDers are often very creative, and that is a huge benefit to anyone’s life. ADHD is definitely not all bad – I just have to concentrate on the benefits when I get frustrated with my mess sometimes.
Are you a mom with ADHD? When were you diagnosed? What are some tricks that you’ve used to help you?
Need help managing parenting and ADHD life? I’m here for you if you need me! Book a 10-min consult here.
