Challenging Child Behavior: How to Raise a Seriously Challenging Child Without losing your mind

Do you ever feel like you can’t even go to the bathroom without someone getting hurt or a major disaster happening?

Like there’s constantly a mess, a fight, a ‘world war’ and it never ends?

Can I take a guess that you might have a seriously challenging child at home? Whose behaviour can get insane?

Boy can I relate.  

Really.

It’s the most frustrating thing in the world to see other moms doing this parenting thing and making it look sooooooo easy, while I’m catching my breath all day long.

And the worst thing is that people often blame parents for the way their children behave, which is not at all fair!

I’m mean, how many families do you know that have 2 or 3 kids who are well behaved and pleasure to have around and one who’s … well… impossible!?!?!?

You’re constantly going through two different types of feeling towards your child – on the one hand you feel bad for your kid – he doesn’t have any friends, he has a hard time in school and you say to yourself ‘he needs my time and attention and love’, but then you feel like it’s so hard to be patient with him because he’s always hurting someone or making some kind of disaster and you can’t wait to get him out the door! 

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I remember a period when my house was always a disaster from my sensory/ADHD/ASD kid and I could never get my kids to the park or home from the park.  

I’d be running trying to catch this kid, while my neighbor’s kids walked next to their mother holding onto the stroller so nicely!

ARGH!!!

My kid was seeking sensory input and he’d always have his hands in the mud or the sand or some flour, water, anything messy!

He was bouncing off the walls - literally - and noise really bothered him (unless he was the one creating it) so he’d pounce on anyone who made any loud noises.

I felt like I was living in a war zone – between all the constant mess and fighting!

So what helped me?  

Here are some tips that really help me get through the day intact with a little sanity (at least sometimes):

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Tips for Raising a Seriously Challenging Child:

1. Get An Assessment

Getting an assessment did not solve the problems. What it did do - was give me a window into understanding my child and his needs better.

I followed each assessment up with a lot of research on my part to learn how best to help my child based on the findings in the report.  So, for example when I found out that one kid had a sensory integration dysfunction, I went out and read every book about sensory integration dysfunction. I got my child into OT and I stood there asking the OT question after question and got loads of great tips.

Same when I found out that another kid had ADHD.

Now, I have to warn you that they don’t always catch everything when you’re getting an evaluation done, so you might need to go back a year later, or check in with someone else.  

But in general, having an assessment really helps to get your finger on the pulse for the key issues which will help you and also the school know how best this child learns.

2. Start A Sensory Diet

Often kids who act up a lot are having sensory issues. Sound and touch are way out of proportion to them and they overwhelmed.

I brought my son for an evaluation with an OT and got him on a sensory diet. It made such a difference I can’t begin to tell you! We put up a trampoline in the backyard, a tire swing on the tree, made a pillow pit in the playroom and did a lot of head compressing and sensory brushing.

We were busy with this every day, but it was actually kind of fun and it did make a very big difference.

Until then he was seeking sensory input all day long in a negative way which looked like a lot of fighting.  But as soon as we started giving him the sensory input in an acceptable way, the hair pulling and pinching started to disappear.

3. Work on your Child’s Social Skills

Often your child is frustrated socially and will take it out on those around him. He might not know how to express his himself properly and his efforts to self-expression come out all wrong.

Like a girl who keeps pushing her sister to get her attention instead of saying – ‘hey look at me I want to tell you something.’

I’ve seen the success time and again of my own kids who became so much more settled after their social issues were worked out.  

This isn’t always easy. But every step in the right direction helps.

4. Work on Your Parenting Skills

Every parent needs to work on parenting skills - but when you’re dealing with a challenging child’s behaviours - you’ve got to up your antics! Just like a doctor studies the body and possible treatments for his patients, so you need to study behaviour, communication skills, discipline & all the tips and tools that parents need!

You can start with some free online parenting classes or just go for the full fledged parenting classes such as my course, Confident Kids, that will give you everything you need to feel empowered with the right tools.

Parenting is challenging for everyone, but you my friend, have more of a struggle than any other parent. Make sure to give yourself the proper support that you need.  

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5. Find Home-Based Therapies

There are only so many hours a week you can run out to go to various therapies. But I still wanted to help my child the most possible and in a fun way for him.

So, aside from doing our OT sensory diet homework everyday and bringing him to his weekly OT therapy session, I also looked for home-based computer therapies.

For example, I have two children with an auditory processing disorder and after a bunch of research I found a program called Fast ForWord that helps both the Auditory Processing Disorder and helps boost reading skills, which was great for the child who also had a reading disability.  

The Fast ForWord computer program has a series of games the kids get to play and they go up from level to level and it’s fun for them.  

I saw quite a bit of improvement, and the fact that it was home based made it so much easier on me, not having to go out for another appointment every week.

If you have a child with an auditory processing disorder or a reading disability you can check out Fast ForWord here.

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6. Check on Food Sensitivities

Checking out your child’s food sensitivities can really help a lot.  

I’ve seen my own kids who would get angry easily or were super hyperactive calm down when they went food coloring free, sugar free and removed their other food sensitivities.

No joke, on days he’d eat gluten and cheese, his siblings were getting beating up, on days he didn’t… calm.

I myself have seen the powers of changing my diet.

I think it’s become so ‘normal’ to give kids all kinds of ‘snacks’ that are full of sugar, MSG and food coloring that we don’t realize the power taking these fake foods out of the diet have.

7. Know Your Response to Misbehavior

Your child’s going to misbehave. Would you say that pretty much a guarantee? When I was in the trenches with my most challenging child it wasn’t a question of if he was going to misbehave, just when and doing what!

So if you know it’s going to happen - it’s time to get prepared!

What’s the usual in your house? What’s your response going to be next time it happens? The more you know how you’re going to respond, the more you can be prepared and know how to deal with each situation as it comes up.

And that way you’re not barking out consequences and punishments on the spur of the moment because you’re over the top frustrated. Trust me - I get it.

If you’re not sure how to manage discipline and consequences using a positive parenting paradigm then you’ll want to get my eBook Discipline & Consequences: The Blueprint for Stopping Misbehavior in its Tracks. 

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8. Look Into Alternative Medicine

I’ve seen so many things go right for myself and my kids over the years using ‘alternative’ medicine. (I never did figure out why it’s called alternative!)

There’s often some underlying imbalance that is making your child feel and behave a little off his kilter. There are so many professionals that you can see now a days, with a slew of different therapies.

From Acupuncture/Acupressure to Craniosacral, Homeopathy to Aroma Therapy, Biofeedback to Body Talk.  The list goes on.

My personal favorite is The Body Code – developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson.  

I’ve been a practitioner for the Emotion Code/Body Code for more than 5 years now (in addition to being certified in Body Talk for more than 16 years) and I absolutely love love love it!

I use it with my own kids all the time and we are always seeing the most incredible outcome. Answers to what’s at the root of a headache, understanding what foods to stay away from, clearing trapped emotions and so much more! Learn more about the Body Code and how it can help you…

Whatever your preference, try going ‘alternative’.  You’ll see - it won’t be so ‘alternative’ to you anymore and you could get some very needed answers as to what can best help your child.

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9. Work on Practicing Patience

Let me guess, this challenging child’s behaviour can drive you crazy! Am I right? Make you lose yourself? Feel like you’re totally out of control? I totally understand you and where you’re at.

Working on your own personal development as a parent can help you take back the reins of control - at least in your own inner world.

I highly suggest working on Mastering Patience as well working on Anger Management specially geared to parents. Even if you haven’t learned how to manage your challenging child’s behaviour, you can learn to manage your own - which will feel very rewarding indeed.

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10. Take a Break!

A mother give to her children by route of her cup overflowing

Raising your challenging child, with all their behaviour - is going to be just that – CHALLENGING!!!  

It’s going to take a lot more effort, consistency and patience.  

THIS IS VERY HARD!  

I realized that I needed to take more frequent breaks to fill up my energy stores. I’m giving you good advice, from someone who herself burnt out and I’m telling you, anything that will fill up your emotional storehouse will need to be part of your routine.

What fills you up?

A walk in the park? A hike in the woods? Painting? Swimming? Coffee with a friend? Reading a novel? Saying positive affirmations or meditating?

DO IT!

And make it part of your mental health expenses. Seriously. If you don’t take this time for yourself your challenging child will suffer and so will your whole family.

If you don’t fill yourself up, you can’t overflow.

I know you’re tired and overworked, but trust me, this extra effort for yourself will pay dividends!

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8. Don’t look at the neighbors!

Don’t compare yourself to anyone!  Your neighbors are not raising your kids.

Don’t compare your challenging child’s behaviour to other children! He has his own journey in this world and he has his own role to fill.

Give yourself a pat on the back for your heroic efforts, and be proud of yourself.  

You’re doing amazing!

Just put one foot in front of the other.  I know it’s challenging.  

Breathe.  Take a break, and keep going.  If you need someone to talk to I’m here…

You’ll see, they grow up faster than you know it…. even if right now every day seems like an eternity.  😊