How to raise Problem Solvers using the power of magic words
A few weeks ago I noticed that my 6-year-old had left his bike out again – on the side of the house instead of putting it away in the garage. Not the first time….
Now trust me, I’m all up for natural consequences, especially when it comes to teaching moral values for kids, but first it’s important to me to teach problem solving for kids to learn important lessons.
Besides I didn’t think it was the time or the place for this little guy’s bike to get stolen just for him to learn the lesson. So I tried another technique instead.
One that will lead him to believe himself to be a brilliant problem solver!
I called him outside and pointed out:
Me: ‘Look, I see your bike on the side of the house. It didn’t make it back to the garage after your ride down the block today.’
Jacob: ‘No I left it there in case I went out again later.’
Me: ‘Look I want to show you something. You see over there, right next to our house, there’s a path. Lots of people walk down that path to get to the bus stop every day. There, you see those people going to the bus now?’
Jacob: ‘Yes, I always see lots of people going to the bus, and coming back too.’
Me: ‘Do you know what they can see from the path? They can see your shiny new red bike.’
Jacob: ‘So?’
Me: ‘Do you know what happens to people sometimes when they see something really nice and shiny new that they want? Sometimes a bad voice comes in their head and tries to tell them to do something bad that they really don’t want to do. Did that ever happen to you? You saw someone’s shiny new ball or new pencil case?’
Jacob: ‘Yeah.’
Me: ‘But nobody really wants to listen to that bad voice. It’s only because they see the shiny new thing that they now want it. I wonder how we can help them – so the bad voice won’t make them want to do something bad?’
Jacob: ‘I know!’ and with that he ran down the stairs and grabbed his bike and went to put it away in the garage, after which he came back to announce – ‘If I hide the bike they’ll never even know it’s there and the bad voice won’t tell them to do bad things. Right? I’m helping those people, right mommy?’
Me: ‘Yes, what a smart idea you came up with Jacob!!!’
Problem Solving Skills for Kids:
1. Help Your Child Come Up with the Idea on their Own
What ideas are you most excited to put into action? Your mother’s ideas? Not so much! But YOUR OWN ideas!
That’s right. This is where you show your genius in your parenting!
Find a way to drop hints so your child will come up with solutions to his problems all on his own.
2. Use Magic Words to Inspire
Using words like ‘I wonder’ or ‘I’m curious’ what solution we could find – never cease to inspire kids to try and find the solution to any given problem – just to make you proud, and consequently themselves proud.
Watch their eyes light up as they come up with solution after solution to meet your approval. Believe me, their creativity will astound you. A fresh perspective!
3. Sound Genuinely Impressed that Your Child Came Up with Such a Brilliant Idea
Let your child take the credit for their brilliant idea. You’re not only encouraging and reinforcing them to be involved in putting the solutions to their problems into action – but to be the one who is actively brainstorming to find the solution.
That’s the key. And in the process you will learn a thing or two.
You want your child to believe about themselves that they are problem solvers.
4. Praise & Share their Success
Praise your child and label him as a ‘problem solver’ and share it with anyone who wants to listen – your spouse, siblings, grandparents, babysitter, etc.
This is a huge gift to your child. You are driving down into his subconscious mind a belief about himself that he is a problem solver. What a gift to carry into his life.
This means that when problems will arise in his life – his knee jerk reaction won’t be that he needs to find someone to figure out what to do.
His knee jerk reaction will be that he can brainstorm and come up with solutions to his own problems.
5. When to Seek Advice
Of course, part of the plan is always to explain to your child when it’s time to seek advice or look for guidance.
Cuz that’s just part of life. When you’ve exhausted all forms of brainstorming it’s always good to turn to trusted friends and family for guidance, and those who are noted experts.
☞ If you like this post, you will love: How to Create a Safe Haven for Telling the Truth
6. Older Kids
When it comes to older kids one of the key components is trusting their judgement and giving them the space to be able to make their own decisions.
In fact the older your child is the more you need to let go and not guide their decisions and not try to guide them to the outcome that you want to see.
In so doing you are showing them that you trust their judgement. That trust alone infuses them with belief in themselves. Cuz hey, if their parents trust them, then certainly they can do it!
I know what you’re going to say already. ‘But what if my kid messes up, and their brilliant ideas end up being a big mistake?’
That’s where the natural consequences come into play.
It’s worth it to take the risk and let your child come up with their own plans for solutions to their problems, cuz you’re showing that you trust their judgment. And even if they mess up – they’ll have a natural consequence to fall back on which will have taught them a valuable life lesson without any damage to your relationship (unless of course you start saying things like ‘I told you so!’ – which I’m sure you wouldn’t!)
☞ If you like this post, you will love: Natural Consequences: The How, What & When
Long-Term Benefits
All in all, the long-term benefits from raising your kids to be problem solvers is not just to expand their minds to believe that they can find solutions to their problems.
In the long run – it makes your children realize that if they want to see real change – in their problems, in their lives, in the world – it is up to them to be the trailblazers – to find solutions and not just whine about the problems. And these problem solving skills can be learned by kids of all ages.
And that’s the kind of kid I’d be proud of any day.
And it all starts with finding the little solutions… like putting the bike away in the garage.
Oh, and BTW, I haven’t seen the bike lying out since!
